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College girls love this column

Events we love to hate-SBS: (sweaty beer Sunday, sweaty bro sobfest, super bowl Sunday)

Published: Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Updated: Wednesday, February 1, 2012 12:02

 

As you've probably heard from all the lame bros in your classes, there's this annoying event called the super bowl going on this Sunday.

You may be familiar with this event because of Wisconsin's participation in last year's SBS. You may have even joined the bros in their celebrations; however, true college girls only celebrated to prove Wisconsin's elitism over whichever state the Steelers were from. This year, on the other hand, there is absolutely no reason a college girl should join in the sweaty bro sobfest. 

Not only do college girls not follow sports, they also don't drink beer or eat greasy food a mere five weeks before spring break. If you find yourself watching the super bowl amidst a crowd of smelly bros acting like cavemen, you're def trying too hard. Every college girl knows that the only way to cope with this pointless event is with a bottle of vodka in one hand and a shot glass in the other.

The obvious reason college girls hate the super bowl is because bros and pros alike don't pay attention to us and are instead focused on watching the dream career they failed at achieving. A true college girl does not participate in any event that does not revolve around her. The only way a college girl should engage in this testosterone spiking event is by dancing on the table when Nicki Minaj performs at the halftime show.

Obvi college girls leave immediately after the halftime show because a college girl doesn't tolerate bros shedding tears when their fav team loses in this organized brawl. The least attractive thing a college guy could do is reveal his sensitive side through public humiliation.

As if seeing a bro's softside wasn't annoying enough, the stench of sweaty jerseys ensures that we keep our distance. Since bros are incapable of doing anything themselves, their mothers probably haven't washed their jerseys for them since ‘Nam.

So, now that you're informed of the proper way college girls celebrate Sweaty Beer Sunday, we better not find a bunch of bros holding your legs in the air for a keg stand…because that's something Lindsey Lohan would do. The decision is yours. If you make the right one you'll use SBS as an excuse to party and gossip with your fellow college girls and not going to 8:50 class Monday morning. Sorry profs, college girls have their priorities in line and celebrated SBS properly by having one too many vodka shots with their besties. 

 

 

 

 

Sincerely, 

 

Your Elite College Girls

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9 comments

Kelli Ponce, Editor In Chief
Fri Feb 10 2012 21:40
Just to let you guys know, I'm not the author of this article. This column was not intentionally run to offend the community, it was completely satirical. As a student newspaper, we wanted to include something humorous that would reach a broader spectrum of students. If students or faculty have an opinion on this article, I highly encourage them to write a letter to the editor. Just as this article was written for students, by students, we would also publish the viewpoint of other students because we pride ourselves on making the student body inclusive and representative of all voices that want to be heard. Each article and column may be appealing to different students, and we understand that not every one has the same viewpoint or opinion, but we are fortunate enough to be able to exercise our freedom of speech and freedom of the press. May I include, that as a woman in a leadership position, I am not offended by this column and find it satirically humorous.
Anonymous
Fri Feb 10 2012 18:07
It's "obvi" that all the author of this article cares about is bringing guys home on the weekend, "def" getting wasted, and dancing on tables. It's also clear that she is very superficial and stuck on herself. My guess is that she's unattractive and is jealous of the "elite college girls" that are actually going to make something of themselves some day. Anyone who actually acts like the girls described in this article needs to grow up and realize that they're never going to have a future. It's scary to think that the author of this article will be out in the real world eventually. And I don't know about the rest of the readers, but I enjoy having ACTUAL friends who I can sit around and watch the Super Bowl with, not just friends who want to get wasted with me on the weekend.
Anonymous
Fri Feb 10 2012 17:56
Ironically, the author of this article is the editor-in-chief herself, Kelli Ponce.
Anonymous
Fri Feb 10 2012 10:37
Haha brilliant. Please keep this column going!
Anonymous
Thu Feb 9 2012 17:18
This column is clearly satirical in nature. Though the grammar and syntax is nothing more than mediocre, I find it humorous. It pokes fun at gender stereotypes by taking them to an extreme level with similar humor as the movie "Mean Girls," which raises the issue of high school cliques in a humorous and satirical manner. If anything, it actually defends feminism because it is clear that the females on the UWL campus are nothing like the stereotyped "college girl." College girls are much more than they are stereotyped as. Do not by offended by the "sexism" in this article. Many newspapers and journals have satirical columns. I believe this column is defending the stereotyped female college student by making outrageous claims that are seen as obviously not true by all members of the UWL campus community. Gender stereotypes are humorous, keep writing this column "elite college girls."
Anonymous
Thu Feb 9 2012 14:39
Is it supposed to be a joke? Because otherwise, I am very offended. If the Racquet doesn't pull this column, I'm going to start telling all my friends to stop reading the Racquet. Our students deserve much better column than this kind of bull crap.
Anonymous
Wed Feb 8 2012 00:14
I completely agree with the above comment. This reinforces gender stereotypes in every bad way I can think of without calling anyone a slut or bitch. This should be pulled immediately and whoever wrote this should check themselves before they wreck themselves, because if it was truly a woman, maybe you should think a little about where you would be 50 to 100 years ago prior to the sacrifices of first wave feminists. Good luck with educating yourself.
Anonymous
Tue Feb 7 2012 23:37
I received my bachelors degree in Journalism from an out of state institution and if this is what UW-L calls Journalism completely needs to revisit their textbooks. Apart from the obvious fact that this promoting sexism and completely dismantles everything feminists has been working on for decades, this will never under any circumstances be called journalism. Jack Fuller, president of the Tribune Publishing Company has said The central purpose of Journalism is to tell the truth so that people will have the information that they need to be sovereign. This piece does nothing for that. While I do understand this is a column and therefore may not fall under this rule, however; column's are meant to be insightful and this piece provides nothing even close to that. I have seen this column written before and quite honestly the editor-in-chief needs to pull this column immediately.
Anonymous
Tue Feb 7 2012 00:22
hahaha LOVE this! You describe my life!






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