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Battle it out with Bill and Becca

How to break up with your significant other

On February 14, 2012

There is one rule you must always remember when breaking up with someone: the more creative the better. The straight foreword approach is easily the worst way to go. The breakup text is never the right choice, and neither is sitting down face to face to talk it over. The straight foreword approach leaves too much room for direct confrontation and emotional opposition. What you need to do is make a plan that is so complicated and so confusing. It will leave your to-be ex wondering, "What in the world just happened?" A nice suggestion I would give you is to write a break-up letter using a long and drawn-out extended metaphor. If you do this, the message will sink in slowly while he or she is figuring it out. If done correctly, it should at least soften the blow for them and, correspondingly, also keep a torrent of wild emotions from crushing you into an oblivion. Another example would be a scavenger hunt. Each new clue leads to the next one, with the final one being a message that the two of you are through. If you're lucky, they will be so impressed with the effort and thought that you put into breaking up with them; they won't even get mad at you. Those are only two ideas, and, in the words of Paul Simon, "there must be fifty ways to leave your lover." It's up to you to figure out the one that fits your style and your needs.

 

It's the week after Valentine's Day and you realize, "wow, I had an awful holiday." Instead of having an amazing romantic time, the night seemed to stretch out like a long visit at the dentist. Some moments were just as painful as one too.

Now you are wondering, "how can I end this relationship?" Besides ending all contact, never to be seen or heard from again by your ex-significant other, there are other ways to tell them that you see it going in different directions.

The best policy is always to tell the truth (in a sugar-coated sort of way) and avoid all clichés. You should also consider the seriousness of your relationship.  If you just met them last week, I would not suggest going all out on a long tangent about how their music taste is just not what you had envisioned for the mother or the father of your future children.

Breaking up with someone should always be done in person;  No "It's over" texts. Class up! Do it in a semi-private place. Second floor of Cartwright? Okay. Whitney? No; When has Whitney ever been a classy place anyway? If you decide to do it there, I can't stop you; however, you should reflect upon that decision thoroughly.  Whiney contains a cafeteria with lots of full plastic glasses of liquid asking to be thrown, many of your peers with video phones, and Facebook. Enough said. Make smart choices and do what feels right for you.  We believe in you and good luck!


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